And they thought I would forget

See, I can remember some things. :-)

The "things" I'm talking about are two personality-type tests I took online the last couple days. The first, which is really neat, is the Color Code. This guy tried to figure out what people's driving core motives were and gave them colors...Red (power), Blue (intimacy), White (peace), and Yellow (fun). The test said I'm Blue (intimacy), but I found a lot of Red and White in me was well, when I read the other descriptions. I'll have to take it again to see if Blue is tied with something else.

The second test is the Real Age test. Apparently, although I'm 25, my real age is 21.5. But I could be even younger in as little as 90 days through diet and exercise. :-) And I found out that consuming moderate amounts of alcohol (equal to about 1/2 drink per day) actually lowers my real age. They say that it slows the aging process for most women. Score! I knew I was doing something right!

A momentus day

Shhh...do you hear that? It's awfully quiet in here. Anyone there?

Yeah, I know I've been gone for a while. And although it may seem hard to believe to Mr. Ocean Waves, I truly have not had anything to say. Not that that has stopped me in the past, but I couldn't find anything I wanted to share with the masses. Well, that's over now. Prepare yourselves.

So Tuesday was my birthday. My 25th birthday to be precise. And I have to say I don't feel older at all. A quarter century. Although I'm not sure how much I like being in the "mid-to-late-twenties" as opposed to my "early-twenties". But I suppose I shall get used to it. Since it's going to be the last time I have a birthday and all. My dad's still 25, supposedly, although he's been saying that for several years, so I'm starting to think it's not true.

In honor of my birthday, I decided to borrow (read: steal) an idea from Proteinstar...except I can't seem to get cool pictures in mine. I have a lot of cool people born on my birthday. A number of nerds (which fits, don't you think?), athletes, that little girl from "Poltergeist" (which I may just have to watch now that I know that) and even a sex therapist. Cool.

Other important people born on the 27th of December:

1555 - Johann Arndt, theologist

1571 - Johann Kepler, astronomer. Discovered elliptical orbits.

1654 - Jacobus Bernouilli, mathematician

1773 - George Cayley, founded the science of aerodynamics

1822 - Louis Pasteur, microbiolgist and chemist. You can thank him for pasturization and vaccines...specifically for rabies.

1836 - Henricus Oort, Dutch theologist (Leidse translation)

1884 - Bernard van Dieren, composer

1901 - Marlene Dietrich, singer/actress (Blue Angel)

1915 - William Howell Masters, sex author/physician

1931 - Scotty Moore, guitarist (for Elvis)

1948 - Gerard Depardieu, France, actor (Get Out Your Handkerchiefs, Danton)

1956 - Doina Melinte, Romanian running star (world record 1500 m/mile indoor)

1957 - James Sanford, US runner (world record 50m indoor)

1959 - Andre Tippett, NFL linebacker (New England Patriots)

1972 - Dewayne Washington, NFL cornerback (Minn Vikings)

1975 - Heather O'Rourke, actress (Happy Days, Poltergeist)

Someone who thinks like me

Expectedly, the Steelers lost to the Colts last night. But I found this on ESPN.com's Page 2 today.

Antwaan Randle El ranks 14th in the NFL this season in punt-return yardage, but he trails only Kansas City's Dante Hall in a lesser-known -- but no less prestigious -- punt-return yardage category: Pointless Yards Traveled Running Around In A Circle And Side To Side On Punt Returns That Inevitably Result In Only A Few Positive Yards Gained.

This guy thinks like me...that's scary. For those of you who find humor in the ridiculuous, here's the page. This guy is funny.

Can you believe it's past Thanksgiving already? I always enjoy Thanksgiving. My college friends and I get together over Thanksgiving, rotating whose house it's at every year. It's 4 days of eating, laughing, not much sleeping, eating, playing games, catching up, and...oh yeah, eating. Lots of fun. I treasure those times. I have so much to be thankful for. I have a great relationship with my parents and brother, a great job, a nice apartment, wonderful friends. I'm very blessed.

This weekend is my company Christmas party already. And I'm listening to Christmas music on Accuradio. But it's 65 degrees outside! It had better get cold...and soon. I was so excited to see snow on Thursday morning. It melted quickly, but it gives one hope nonetheless.

Thankful hearts

Okay, so I was going to add some of my own thoughts afterwards, but I think I don't need to. Here is my devotional from this morning. I'm definitely not thankful enough.

The worst moment for an atheist comes when he is really thankful and has no one to thank.
- Unknown

Thanksgiving is the theme song of the Christian. For a Christian not to be thankful is like a dog not to wag his tail at his owner's approach.

Thankful Christians walk around grateful for every breath, every sunset, every new morning, every color in the color spectrum, and every star in the sky. Like an alcoholic who is clean and sober, noticing beauty and taste for the first time, we are grateful just to be alive because we have been dead for so long.

It's hard to think of one vice that the virtue of thankfulness cannot render useless. One does not need to steal when one is thankful. A man does not covet his neighbor's wife when he is thankful for his own. No one craves more when he is grateful for what he has.

In the same way, a thankful heart cancels out pride and arrogance. No need to judge other people when you are thankful for who you are. No need to measure yourself by and compare yourself to others when you are thankful for what God has done in your life. No need to keep anyone out of the kingdom of God when you're overwhelmed that you got in. (God can let in anyone He wants. I am simply glad to be counted among the saved.)

You don't care if you get the important seat at the table when you are overcome with gratitude at simply being invited to the dinner. You don't put heavy weights on other people's shoulders when you are thankful that God has lightened your own load. You are not obsessed with what other people think of you when you are overwhelmed with the fact that God is thinking about you all the time. You don't demand respect when you are thankful for your place. You don't have to hide your own sin when you are already thankful for God's forgiveness. You don't have to protect your image when you are already number one with God. You don't have to condemn other people's blindness when it's only the grace of God that has allowed you to see. You don't have to try for the highest place when you are already grateful for whatever place you were given. You don't have to make a show of spirituality when you are thankful for having received the Spirit. You don't have to clothe yourself in holy robes when you have been already clothed in righteousness. You don't have to be full of yourself when you are thankful that God has filled you up with Himself.

Fearless Five

So the torch has been passed to me. Without any further ado:

Five Places I'd Like to Visit (to which I haven't already visited)

1. Japan
2. Alaska
3. The Grand Canyon
4. Mount Rushmore
5. Victoria Falls

Five Favorite Restaurants

1. Red Lobster
2. The Pizza Grille
3. Cobblestone's
4. Red Robin
5. Macaroni Grill

Five Sporting Events I Would Like to Attend

1. Pittsburgh Steelers home game
2. Super Bowl
3. Ohio State home game
4. Olympic gymnastics competition
   
5. Boston Red Sox home game

Five People from History are Having Dinner at My Place

1. Esther
2. Job
3. Martin Luther
4. Louis Armstrong
5. Adolf Hitler

Five Things I Don't Know

1. What it's like to be in love
2. What it feels like to kiss someone
3. How predestination/free will works
4. Why some people like coffee
5. How to throw a football properly, complete with spiral
   

Alright, now it's your turn Lacky...

Thank you

Oversized sweatshirt: $15.

Comfortable pants: $10.

Box of tissues: $2.

Getting hugs from friends when you need a pick-me-up: Priceless.

Consider this

When I catch myself comparing myself with others or thinking, I could be happy if only I had what they have, then I know I need to withdraw for a while and listen for another voice. Away from the winds, the earthquakes, and the fires of human recognition, I can hear again the still, small voice, posing the question it always asks of self-absorbed children: "What are you doing here?"
Too often I reply to the voice by whining about some of my own Ahabs and Jezebels. And the voice gently reminds me, as it has reminded thousands of Elijahs before me, that I am only a small part of a larger movement and that at the end of the day there is only one King whose approval will matter: "It is the Lord who judges me."
The voice also whispers, Do not despise your place, your gifts, or your voice, for you cannot have another's, and it would not fulfil you if you could.
John Ortberg, "The Life You've Always Wanted"

Why do I despise what I have? Oh, I don't outright say that I despise it. But it's surely not as good as what that person has. And isn't that the same as despising? But when you think that God knows us fully (there is no mask or pretension I can wear to hide my spirit from the Spirit of God), it's an awesome thought. Because God knows me so well, I get the things I truly need...my personality, abilities, spiritual gifts are all "tailor-made" as it were to suit me. So why in the world do I think that someone else's tailor-made qualities would fit me?

"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me...I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
-- Psalm 139: 1, 14

In loving memory

Michael Alfred Sample
December 20, 1955 - November 9, 2005

"My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken." -- Psalm 62: 1-2

They've gotta stop playing Monday nights

The Steelers that is. They're throwing off my sleep schedule! But unlike Chargers and Ravens fans (sorry MK), I get to go to bed a happy camper. I wasn't sure they'd pull it off. Definitely had me worried. But it's a good time to be a Steelers fan. Right now, the fact that they won is all that matters. :-) But I thought it was interesting to see what people think of Brian Billick and Bill Cowher.

I decided I like Halloween. I haven't properly dressed up for a couple years. But this weekend was the annual Green Door Halloween dance. I made my costume. That's right...the girl who has never sewed anything more than a hem in her life sewed a costume. And not only that, I altered the pattern and didn't have any help from my mom, who sews very well. I was so excited! I made a girls baseball uniform from the 1940's (think "League of their Own"). I was Rockford Peach! How very fun. So I decided (again) that I like dressing up. It was fun to be someone else, if only for a night.

I also decided that if you have to forget to move your clock, it's definitely better to do it in the fall. I was awoken Sunday morning by a friend who had forgotten to reset her clock as well and was at church with hardly anyone else there. So she took a nap on my couch while I went back to bed. It's great to realize that when you thought you only had 15 minutes left to sleep, you actually have an hour and 15 minutes. I love falling back. :-) Don't know how I forgot, though. That's a first. The only problem (well, it's not necessarily a problem) is that now it's dark at 6:00 at night. That's kind of a bummer. But then I remember that shorter days mean winter, and winter means snow. I guess it's a good thing. So bring on the shorter days!

Another world away

For those of you keeping score at home, the newest Narnia trailer is out. You can download it here (52 MB Quicktime, 34 MB Windows Media). Looks pretty cool. Only 44 days!

And only 23 days until Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire!

Do you know what this means?

It can only mean good things. It's snowing in Altoona!! SNOWING!! Real, honest to goodness snow! Break out the skis, everyone, winter will soon be upon us. Maybe this year will be a good one for snow (and by good, I mean the opposite of almost everyone else out there...I hope we get dumped on). Keep those fingers crossed.

Apple anyone?

A friend sent me this in a forward:

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they're afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they sometimes take apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now men...Men are like wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Okay, so the last part isn't necessarily true, but I thought it was funny. Anyway, the reason for posting this is that it reminded me of several conversations I've had in the last week or so. I don't know about the whole taking-from-the-ground-instead-of-climbing-the-tree thing, but I think both women and men feel like the apple at the top of the tree sometimes. Maybe no one has come along yet who's willing (or ready) to make the climb, or maybe we're not ready to be picked yet. Why some get picked when they're clearly not ready, seems unfair, but that's for a different day. So fellow apples, hang in there. I think we all feel that way at one time or another. And now I will stop before this fruit analogy completely falls apart.

How sure is sure?

Since my friend doesn't allow comments on his blog, the response will have to go here. First, to clarify. The guys I dance with probably have the same fears as everyone else when it comes to asking women out. But they're not tentative to ask me because they're not asking me out on a date. They're just asking me to dance. Which everyone has to do (male or female), if you want to dance. I learned that after sitting out most of a dance one time.

I admire your desire to only give one girl your heart. However, is going out for dinner equal to giving a girl your heart? I don't think so. But there may be a difference in semantics here, with regards to our definitions of "dating". So I have no problem going out with a guy for dinner a couple times...i.e. going on a date. It may not work out in the end, but if I'm just sitting and analyzing him, I may not get the opportunity to get to know him better. I'm not going to say that you need to date a lot of people so you can get a better understanding of women. That's not necessarily true. There are a lot of things I've learned that I want, or don't want, in a guy just from my guy friends. But I also don't agree that you're more critical in the next relationship. You don't need ex's to be critical, you could compare them to your mom, sister, or other female friends. You're just more sure of what you do and do not want. I mean, you could sit and analyze a girl till you're blue in the face, but as soon as you start getting to know her/dating her, something big could come up that you wouldn't have known about beforehand that you just can't take. I guess what I'm trying to say is, how sure does one have to be? You could be as sure as you possibly could be, and it wouldn't work out. Or you could ask out someone you don't know very well, and wouldn't have much opportunity to get to know without going out on dates, and be completely surprised. And I'm going to play the God card here, maybe God wants some people to date and go through a breakup. Someone we both know only wanted to date one person, and yet now, this person is very glad that they went through the relationship and the breakup, painful as it was. Not only did it show this person things about the other sex, and what kind of person they would eventually like to be with, that they wouldn't have seen otherwise, God used the process to teach this person a few things about him/herself that might not have been discovered otherwise.

And I'm not saying that taking things slow is bad, that you should just rush into things. And I don't advocate dating just for datings sake. But you gave me some things to think about, so I thought I'd return the favor. :)

Puddle jumping anyone?

I love this weather. Not for every day, mind you. But it's perfet today. And we need the rain. It's the perfect day to be at home, not here at work. To be snuggled up under a blanket watching the rain, reading a book. Of course, having a good man to snuggle up with would make it all that much better. :-) But for now I'll just settle for the book, the blanket, and the comfy couch.

Say it isn't so

Nine little words. That's all. But they're terrifying and cringe-inducing. Ready?

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting a baby.

Now, is that scary, or what? Just what we need. Brace yourself for the onslaught of "news" covering this blessed event. And I'm not holding out hope that this condition will improve dear Katie's vocabulary, either. Let me guess. This news is "awesome", she and Tom are "so happy", Tom is going to be an "extraordinary" dad, Katie's going to be a "magnificent" mother, and they're "totally in love". Not that I'm cynical, or anything.

He's all growed up

So this happened this weekend:


That's right. I am now officially a card carrying member of the "my younger sibling got married before me" club. I can't believe my brother is married. It's crazy. But I did okay. I had a minor breakdown the day before the wedding and then I was fine. I thought I would be struggling a lot more with contentment than I was. Which is good. And now they're up in the Poconos enjoying the Champagne Towers. Have you heard of that place? It's crazy. A seven foot champagne glass hot tub. It's pretty cheesey, I think, but at the same time, they get their own maitre 'd for the whole week, breakfast and dinner, and a 4 level suite with hot tub, pool (heart-shaped of course), sauna, and round king size bed. Speaking of which, and this is a rhetorical question, what is the draw for a round bed? I don't get it. I don't think I would ever go there. But I hope they're having fun and relaxing.

A bonus for the weekend was that we had 15 relatives over, from both sides of the family. That was fun for me, getting to visit with family that I normally only get to see once every 3 years or so. Very fun. I like my mom's sisters. They were all out here for the momentus occasion. Very fun group of women.

So I'm beat this week. I'm having a hard time recovering from the weekend. But it was fun, so it was worth it.

For your viewing pleasure

And because I wanted to see if I could post a picture. Good stuff.

In other news

The Steelers lost to the Patriots yesterday. What a bummer. They looked good to win. Two turnovers in the red zone, lots of pressure on Tom Brady in the pocket. And then came the 4th quarter. That sucked. The Pats are the best clutch team around, thanks to their quarterback and kicker. As my friend MK said yesterday, I don't think Adam Vinatieri knows the meaning of the word pressure. Same goes for Tom Brady. And they were forcing Big Ben to throw. Let's just say he's better at handing off the ball to his runningbacks than throwing the ball most of the time. Not good. So, the win streak is over. Still, 15 regular season games is a pretty good run. Next time...

Only the lonely

Why these thoughts came to me yesterday in church I really don't know. Do you think it's okay to be lonely? And I mean in relationship to one's singleness. I'm not really sure. You see, I have a great family and some awesome friends. Some are just acquaintences, but some are deep friendships, both male and female. People I can be myself around, warts and all (including fits of the giggles at prayer time - oh no!). On top of that, I know that I'm a child of Creator God, who loves me more than anything, and who I talk to everyday. So why do I still feel lonely? And is it a bad thing?

It's very tricky. On the one hand, we're taught that God should be our everything, the only one we need. On the other hand, he created us as relational beings. Even though Adam was in close relationship with God, Adam needed something else. And what's funny is that is was God that decided Adam needed something besides Himself. So where is the balance in that?

I don't know the answer. But I have come to think that sometimes it's okay to be lonely. Not that we should just sit around an mope all the time because we're lonely, but it's okay to feel lonely. It doesn't necessarily mean that my relationship with God is not what it should be. Nor does it mean that I'm definitely going to be married someday. God could take the loneliness away. But I shouldn't sit and feel guilty if I feel lonely. I dunno. Just some random thoughts from a random Sample. :-)

Just in case you were wondering

I have nothing to say. :-) Stay tuned, I may have something to say in the future...

Getting real

A post on another blog has got me thinking. Are we afraid to share honestly with other Christians? I think so, and it's a shame. I know that I have gone through times of doubt and frustration, but don't really want to share some of the things I've been thinking for fear that I'll be judged. That people will think I'm less of a Christian. I think people pass judgement on other people in those situations because it's easier than dealing with their own shortcomings/doubts/insecurities.

After wrestling for a while, and reading a lot, I have come to the conclusion that God welcomes people who are honest enough about their struggles to admit them. That God is patient with my doubting, my confusion, even my anger. He let Job question him. Didn't answer him directly, but that's not the point. Job complained to God, and it was okay. Jacob wrestled with God, Thomas needed tangible proof, the disciples would get it and then not get it a minute later. And yet God was patient. And he USED every one of those people. And I think it was the faith that resulted from those periods of doubt and uncertainty that enabled God to use them so mightily. (I must put in a caveat and say that just because God uses these times doesn't mean that I think God likes us to be in places like that).

Sometimes doubt can drive people from God. But I think more often it's a strengthener of faith. If I doubt and wrestle, then when I come through on the other side, my faith is "mine". I'm not just taking someone else's word for it...I've made it mine.

So if it's something God can work with, why can't the church? Instead, it's seen as a weakness, something that we can't share with other people, or something we don't know what to do with when someone does open up. But we've all been there, and I think we're lying to ourselves and to others if we don't admit it. Everyone has times when they question God. When what they've been told and believe doesn't seem to fit with what's really happening.

It doesn't mean I don't believe. Really, what else is there to believe that holds water? No, it's not turning my back on God. I'm just being real and honest before God, taking off my mask of "spirituality". Admitting my struggles. Now if only I could be so bold as to do that in front of other people.

15 days till fall

But who's counting?

There are so many reasons I love fall. Cooler temperatures, sleeping with the windows open, sleeping with the comforter on the bed, the cool, crisp smell in the air, leaves changing colors, football, wearing warm clothes, wearing warm clothes while outside at a football game screaming your lungs out, hot drinks. **Sigh** As Louis Armstrong said...what a wonderful world.

It's just like riding a bike

What a great weekend! So many good things, but most of all...a day off work. I'm having a hard time convincing myself today is Tuesday.

I went dancing on Friday night. Got to try out my new dance shoes. I was a new person. They didn't even recognize that dancing machine out there. :-) Great fun. AND I got to sleep in on Saturday morning. I haven't been able to do that for a while. I love my bed. Naps are great, too. Got to take one of those on Sunday afternoon. I learned that it's nearly impossible in September to find brown or blue dress shoes that weren't made for my grandmother. That sucks.

I'm SO saddle sore this morning. :-) I went for a bike ride with my parents yesterday down to a diner in Dillsburg. Great fun. I haven't been on a bike in years. Years, I tell you. And I didn't even realize what the seat was doing to me until we got back on the bikes after breakfast. That was painful. I'm thankful the trip home was a lot shorter. Bike seats are painful!

I love relaxing weekends. Where there are no agendas, no plans, activities. Where you can just come and go however you wish. And I got good food for the soul. Our church recently moved into a new and bigger building. And the first sermon series was "Family Matters". Gee, that's an interesting 3 months of sermons for a single 20-something. Which was disheartening. One fo the reasons I was drawn to the church in the first place was the pastor's sermons. I love his preaching style, and what he has to say. But this "FM" sermon series seemed more "seeker sensitive" than his usual sermons. I mean, I understand why they did it, but I was afraid the sermons that really spoke to me were a thing of the past. So my hopes were raised when I heard that the new sermon series would be "The 10 Commandments". And they were realized this Sunday when I heard the sermon...an into of sorts into the series.

I heard one of the best sermons this Sunday. It was very challenging for me, and met me where I was at. How often, in Evangelical Christianity, do we focus more on the love of God, and forget the holiness of God. The fact that we shouldn't even be allowed to stand in the presence of such a God makes the concept of mercy and grace that much more incredible. Unfortunately, I fall into that category too often. I like to think of God as someone I can run to easily, and talk with casually. Which are all things that are okay. But, all too often I forget about the incredible and absolute holiness of God. And I forget my humble place as a human before the Divine. Holy love. You can't divorce the two. One without the other is an incomplete picture of God. Good stuff. Can't wait till next Sunday...the First Commandment.

Long time gone

So, it seems that the sounds of silence were being practiced right here on my very own blog as well. :-) I'm back now, and I have things to say. Look out world.

On second thought, I don't have anything really important to say.

I've had two really good weekends in a row now. Last weekend I went to NYC for the day. I got to geek out about a bunch of movable bridges. Thanks, guys, for letting me do that, and only making fun of me a little bit. I have to concur with Matt, MOBIA was boring. I don't really get art. I'm glad some people do, and I know some people who would really have enjoyed it, but it's not my thing. Central Park is cool, though. It's this little oasis in the middle of the city. With all of the trees, you almost forget that you're in the middle of this huge city. I also got to see Lady Liberty for the first time ever. That's pretty impressive. I can't imagine what that would've been like to see after weeks of traveling. Pretty powerful image.

I'm danced out. Well, at least for a day or two. This weekend I went to Boston for a balboa weekend. Lots of fun. Got to learn some new moves, hang out with some very fun people, and get very tired. I've definitely been bitten by the dancing bug. Now I'm just waiting for my new dancing shoes...I'll be a dancing machine. :-)

Terrible power

This is not good. We have an office down in New Orleans, which is closed at the moment. We're hearing from our emplyees, so it's good that they're safe, but there's so much devestation. It's amazing to me, the power of some of these storms. It's like glimpsing a little bit of the awesome power of God. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but there's a certain beauty in the power of the storm. It's a powerful reminder of who God is.

The sounds of silence

My small group is reading through "The Life You've Always Wanted" right now. This week was the chapter on the discipline of silence. How do you do with silence? I'm horrible at it. My brain is usually running 5 miles a minute and going off in every tangent imaginable. And yet silence is a good thing. Granted, some people are better at it than others, but that doesn't mean that those of us who struggle shouldn't do it. Jesus made it a point to go off on his own, spend time in prayer, and just be. He lived the ultimate unhurried life. And yet, he was almost constantly on the go. How do you do that? I think it's because he conciously took time from his day to be alone. To pray, to refocus. I usually don't stop to think about the day until it's pretty much over. But last night in small group we all went to different rooms and spent an hour in silence. A whole HOUR! We had no clocks, no music, no books, nothing but a piece of paper, a pen, and the Bible. It was tough. Not quite as tough as I thought, but I was still squirming towards the end. Mostly because I was in my own bedroom trying not to look at all of the other things I could've been doing.

But thinking back on last night, I'm glad we did it. It forced me to stop. To take time to regroup, focus on God, to pray, to read the Bible. How often in a day do we have an hour of uninterrupted time? Or make an hour of uninterrupted time? Most of the time we just go from one activity to the next, until the whole day becomes a blur. We end up just kind of floating along in life, not really living it. One quote from this week's chapter of the book really struck me. It talked about how busyness allows us to settle for a mediocre faith. That we're not in danger of abandoning our faith so much as we are in danger of accepting a mediocre faith. That's not good.

Lord, help me to take time to slow down and spend time each day focusing on you so that I never settle for mediocrity.

Cry me a river

Have you had a good cry lately? Maybe the menfolk will not understand. However, I think that one of the most cathartic things in the world is a good cry. The kind when your body is just wracked with sobs and you're almost hyperventilating. You just let it all out. The feeling after a cry like that is usually one of peace. It's amazing how much better you can feel after a good cry. People who know me will tell you that I'm not much of a crier. Sure, I may feel like crying every now and then, or I may get "misty", but I don't really cry that much. But last night God and I had a good talk, and I had a good cry. I felt wonderful afterwards. Well, not exactly wonderful, but I felt lighter somehow.

Which leads me to the reasons that brought about those tears. It was me giving up different dreams that I've been holding on to. Not giving up on them, but giving them over to God, and trusting that He knows what's best for me. That's really hard to do. There are always things we want to do, or to be, or to accomplish. Christians always talk about "taking things to God". But how good are we about doing that? Do we really still secretly hold onto those dreams and desires? I may get some of my dreams. But I might not, and it's hard to let go of them. I want to tell God to do whatever he wants in my life, but I'm afraid. Afraid that what God has in mind is not going to match up with what I envision. As if somehow my dream is better or I could plan and arrange my life better than Him. Not likely. It's hard to trust that maybe the best thing for me is to not have or do or be certain things.

Pondering all of these things, I put in a CD by a former worship leader at my parents church. The words of one song in particular struck me, and I thought I'd leave you with those thoughts:

In the morning when I rise...

And when I am alone...

And when I come to die...

Give me Jesus.
You can have all this world.
Give me Jesus.

Another one bites the dust

I went to a friends' wedding on Saturday. It was beautiful. However, if I don't go to another wedding for a couple years, that'd be okay, too. I have 4 weddings this year. 2 down, 2 to go. And one of those is my brother's. And I'm in that one. That'll make 6 weddings I've been in. So why don't I like weddings? No, it's not that I don't like weddings. I'm really happy for my friends. But when is it going to be my turn? Will the time come when they're happy for me? I think that's the real problem. After this past weekend, I can now say that I'm the only one of my college friends that isn't married. God, will it ever by my turn? If not, do you think you could take this desire from me?

In a much happier train of thought...I love my friends. Well, I love all of my friends, but in particular my college friends. I love having people that I'm so comfortable with that we can just sit and enjoy each other's company and not say anything. Or we can not see each other for two months and pick up like we never left off, talking till 1 in the morning. Four of my college friends came out for the wedding on Saturday. It was so nice to see them all again, in one place, all together. I've known them now for seven years. That's a milestone for me. Actually, anything over four years is a milestone. My whole life I've never known what it's like to have close friends with years of shared history. Thanks to the Air Force, I moved every three years. Friendships are hard to keep up when you're an ocean away. But now I've had these friends for seven years. SEVEN! It may not go back to 3rd grade, but for me, who's never had friends longer than 3 years, it's incredible. They're the ones that confronted me and broke through my defense mechanisms of keeping people at arms length and showed me what real friendship and love is about. What it means to have friends that are family. They've seen me at my best, and they've seen me at my absolute worst. And, go figure, they still love me! Pretty cool.

It's a Dee-Dah day!

This is really good news. (If you're interested and want the ins and outs of this process from the inside, check out this site.) We've been waiting for this bill to pass for 2 years. If you've heard of engineering companies downsizing and everyone struggling, this has been why. Not so much the slowdown in the economy since 9/11, although that didn't help. No, we've been waiting on the new Highway Transportation Act for 2 years. They've been making all kinds of extensions and fighting about it in Congress. How does this bill help, you may ask? Well, this bill gives the states money so they can pursue all kinds of highway projects. In order to do that, they need to hire engineering firms (such as mine) to do the design work for the project. So hopefully this means that firms will now start getting the work they've been so desperately seeking for the last couple years. It was getting cut-throat. Everyone going for the same projects because there were so few. But things are starting to look up for engineers everywhere.

So be sure to hug an engineer today. :-)

Where has the time gone?

I read "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" yesterday. That's right. All 870 pages of it...well, I read about 70 pages on Saturday, but that's beside the point. I've got to say this...J.K. Rowling, whatever you may think of her story, is a pretty darn good author. The book completely sucked me in. I read for 10 1/2 straight hours. Now, partly that's me, but partly it was because the story was good, and well written and moved the story along at a good pace, giving you enough information to keep you baited. And now I can't read the 6th book because my dad took it with him when my folks went on vacation. Bummer. Granted, she's no Tolkien, Lewis, or Austen, but I love the Harry Potter books. Very entertaining.

And thanks to those folks who taught me to play croquet on Saturday night. I had a wonderful time hanging out with all of you. And thanks to one friend in particular, who arranged the whole thing and opened his space to the rest of us hooligans.

I'd like a second opinion...or third

I just got a call from the garage. Apparently there's nothing wrong with my car. That would be great news except I took it to the dealership over a month ago and they told me that there was probably something wrong with the spider gear in my differential. So which is it? My car makes this hideous low rumbling noise whenever I turn left and my foot is on the gas. It goes away as soon as I put the clutch in or straighten the wheel. Now, I may not know much about cars, but I know enough about machinery to know that a noise means there's a problem. My car wouldn't be making this horrible noise if there wasn't a problem, right? So why can't this guy find anything wrong with my car? And he's got a really good reputation in working with VWs. I don't understand. I just want the noise to go away.

Batter up!

I like sports. That's unusual for a girl to say (especially the same girl who totally geeked out about the LOTR movie marathon). But that's okay. I love playing softball. And volleyball. And football, ultimate frisbee, racquetball...the list goes on. Except for golf (is that really a sport?) and basketball. But I digress. In my enthusiasm about sports, I have discovered that I'm very competitive. To the point that I will sacrifice my body willingly. My friends know about that when I play racquetball. On Sunday playing volleyball, I dove for the ball on a rough sand volleyball court. And Monday night, during my softball game, I slid while running from third to home (well, actually the infield "tripped" me). So I have tomboy legs. All cut and scraped. And what's really wierd is that I kinda like it. My scrapes are like my trophies. Wierd, huh?

I think I'm in a funk today. I don't like being in a funk. It doesn't happen very often, thankfully. But it makes me very introspective. That's a scary place I don't like to go very often. And it tends to makes me feel less content. That's not so good. I think I need a hug. Or some chocolate...

Of Thunderstorms, Sunburns, and Rule Nazis

I like thunderstorms. And I like camping. But I discovered this weekend that I don't like thunderstorms while camping. Not so much. Friday night we had a thunderstorm. Luckily, it only actually rained for about 30 minutes. Thank God for quick moving storms. But I discovered it's somewhat frightening to be in a tent, and have it thundering and lightning...the kind where you know the lightning struck less than a 1/3 mile away.

I had a great weekend, though. Lots of relaxing and hanging out. My handbell choir was playing at a campground in MD. So my family and a couple other families decided to camp the weekend instead of just coming for the concert. It was pretty fun. I played volleyball, softball, swam a little, had a campfire, slept in...I tell ya, it was so tough to decide what to do next. Hmmm...do I take a nap, play some cards, or go swimming? Tough decisions. But I did what had to be done. And my face and shoulders are a lovely shade of red to prove it.

This camp is the camp of rule nazis, though. You can have day visitors, but they have to be out by 9. Well, our bell choir people that came down for the day were day visitors, but our concert didn't end till 9 and then we had to tear down and everything. How's that going to work? And my friend KB has a little girl that she took to the pool. She can wear her life vest in the pool in the 2 1/2 foot section (you know, where she can touch), but can't wear it beyond that point (like, where she might actually need it). It's bordering on ridiculous.

What qualifies some people to be "pastors? This group came and sang for the camp's church service, and the leader of the group gave a short "message". I don't know where he got some of his theology from. His stated message was on "temptations and trials", from James 5:7-16, but he was throwing in everything but the kitchen sink. Did you know that James 5:12 teaches that when we're facing trials and temptations, we shouldn't cuss. Funny. I thought that passage meant swearing an oath, not saying #@!&%. A little (and I mean little) research will tell you that. And apparently, it's a sin to say "hell" in church, even if you're talking of the place. Okay, enough of that rant...

I love my parents. Not that I didn't know that before, but it's worth repeating. Are they strange? Yes. Do they have an odd sense of humor sometimes? Yes. Are they embarassing sometimes? Yes. But I think everyone thinks that about their parents at some point. And I love them just the way they are, quirks and all. After all, where do you think I got it from? :-)

Take a bow, Mr. Shoop

I just got crank called. That's right. At work. By Mr. Shoop. He called pretending to be someone from the project we're working on in Philly. What he couldn't have known was that my boss sent out an e-mail this morning before he left, regarding that job, and the name Mr. Shoop gave me sounded like one of those names in the e-mail. So I wasn't surprised when someone called to talk to me about it, since my boss isn't here today. Then he told me he was cutting the funding for the project. Unfortunately, by that point I recognized his voice, and the game was up. But for a while he had me. And I nearly had to go change my pants.

I realized something last night. Or rather, last night confirmed something to me. I hate confrontation. I get nervous and my hands start shaking. I just don't like it. But sometimes it has to be done. Things need to get out in the open if you're ever going to have the chance to deal with them. But I also learned last night that not all confrontation is as bad as you anticipate it to be. Not that it's pleasant, but if everyone involved is loving in how they interact with each other, it's much less painful than it can be. So to those of you involved in said "confrontation", thanks.

I'm going camping this weekend. Not real camping, mind you. I'll be in a tent, but most of the other people at the campground will be in RV's. But it's still getting out, having campfires, roasting s'mores and mountain pies, swimming. I'm looking forward to it. And it means I get to leave work slightly early today. Score!

Do you know the muffin man?

One of the women in our office just got her doctorate, so she brought in celebratory muffins for everyone. Score! That's an unwritten rule in our office. If something really good happens to you (marriage, kids, new house, promotion, passing the PE, etc), you have to bring in donuts, bagels, muffins, or some combination of the three. I like that rule. And I've come to discover that an engineer's favorite word is "free". Seriously. It's like throwing crumbs to pigeons. A few crumbs with attract hundreds of birds. And so it is. A few muffins will attract every engineer in the office within 10 minutes. Word spreads quickly. Yummy.

Muscles I had forgotten I had are stopping by to say hello. I played racquetball last night with a friend of mine, for the first time in at least a couple months. I'm thankfully not as out of shape as I have been in the past, so the pain is minimal today and I'm not walking like a grandma. But I really should play more. On a good note, I held my own, and almost won. Well, I held my own anyway. I lost, 2 games to 1. But they were pretty close games. And I had a good time playing.

On a side note, Mrs. M's hair rocks. She had it braided in Africa. Not many white people have the guts to pull off a look like that, but it looks pretty good.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas

I hate the heat. I hate the humidity. I hate the heat AND the humidity. Good news, though. Only 66 days till fall. Wait, that's a long time. Seriously, I'm dying. I love the snow. Can't take the heat.

Did you know it takes a church to raise a child? And here I thought it took a village. Shows how much Hillary knows. Church yesterday was better than I expected it to be, being a sermon about raising children when I have no children. Heck, I'm not even dating. But the sermon was actually more about becoming a church family, which I thought was interesting. Followed by ICON where we talked about how, practically, we love people. Lots of talk of love these days. Getting involved in other people's lives, and letting them get involved in ours. I mean really getting involved, not just the requisite "How are you?", "I'm fine, thanks, you?", "Fine". That's tough. Because I have prickles, and I know other people have prickles. And I don't have a problem seeing other people's prickles, but I do my darndest to hide mine.

I came across a quote in my devotional this morning that I thought I'd share (emphasis mine). It was interesting, and made me think.

Martin Luther once said that if you are going to sin, sin mightily. Now I'm sure he didn't mean by that that we should all go out and have a big night on the town in his honor (or maybe he did)...

The people who are worse off are those who harbor their little secret sins and think themselves better for it. They are the one's Luther was thinking about when he said this. They would be better off if their sin were more visible, more devastating, because then they would have no choice but to be humbled into facing it and getting some help. The worst blindness is to be blind and think you can see better than anybody. Such a person is blind to all of God's provision for sin and never free of the comparison game.

Marked drowsiness may occur

Good to know. Unfortunately, I didn’t know. A friend told me to take Benadryl to help with my mosquito bites. I took it right before work. Except it wasn’t till the second dose that I realized it was the Benadryl that had knocked me out. I just thought I was tired. I hate mosquitoes. But they seem to love me. My legs look like I have chicken pox. No joke.

So I’ve been away on extended weekends the past two weekends. It’s always good to catch up with friends you don’t get to see very often. Went to see A&I over the 4th of July. They just had a baby…an adorable little baby girl. I forgot how tiny newborns are. And she was two weeks old. Last weekend I went to see B&J in Massachusetts. I discovered that you can rent a car for a weekend for under $40! With my car on the fritz (whole other story), it was good money to pay for piece of mind that my transmission wouldn’t fall out on me on the way up there. Seriously. But it was a good weekend. Went hiking in a state park, swimming, a cookout. Good times. But lots of mosquito bites both weekends.

Another thing I've been thinking about. How well do we really love people? And not just people that we get along with. That's easy enough to do. What about people who are different from us, who we don't understand, or converse easily with? Last week at small group I realized that I'm not always very good at loving people who are difficult for me to love. But some people just are. My friend LZ, for example, is good at that. She's good at making people feel very comfortable and able to open up. Very non-judgmental, which, I fear, is how I come across sometimes. Thankfully, though, God's not finished with me yet. I'm still a work in progress.

Eager beaver

So I had a softball game last night. I play for my church's women's team. Haven't been able to make a game in a while. And I really wanted to hit that ball. So I was too eager and ended up swinging under the ball, sending a perfect pop fly into the outfield...perfect for catching that is. Thankfully my glove was better than my bat. I redeemed myself a little bit. But I realized, again, that I'm really hard on myself. The game didn't even count...the other team forfeited with not enough players and we were just playing for fun. And yet I was still beating myself up that I didn't play better. Sheesh.

In other news, I'm leaving tonight for Connecticut for work. We have a bridge inspection for the next two days. I love that part of my job, where I get to go out and get my hands on things and get nice and greasy, climbing around all the machinery. I wish I could do that more often, but as the junior engineer, I don't get out as much as my more experienced co-workers. Let's hope it's less humid up there, because I'm going to be outside all day. Under a bridge, but outside nonetheless.

The same thing we do every night, Pinky

Oh yes. It's true. Someone else has decided to enter the world of blogging. At the risk of becoming "another pathetic copycat", I will boldly step out where I have never gone before. :-) It's one more small step in my plan to take over the world. Here goes...